I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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