he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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