I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
