at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
