Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im holly from the hills drunk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
