she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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