Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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