it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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