Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
