This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
