Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
