i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
