It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
