Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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