it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We're too hungover to prance.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
