Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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