Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
