i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
