You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
