I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
