yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
