we made out on top of his cat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i think im in europe. pls send help
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
