i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
