Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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