The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
