I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
