On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
