Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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