Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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