What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
