can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize