Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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