This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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