i already hear my dad disowning me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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