too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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