and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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