The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize