What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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