your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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