God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
