Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
