Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
