dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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