she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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