toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have fence marks all over my body
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
