It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
