She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
