I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
