Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
