Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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