I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize