just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
