I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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