for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
