But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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