he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
