it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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