that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
