Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
