Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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