Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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