9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Shame - the story of my life.
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