This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
