i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
