I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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