i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
