having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
