The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
