Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize