Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
