I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize