Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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