I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
