After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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