I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
