Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
