She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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