Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
