He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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