Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
