Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
