So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
