Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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