the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
