Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize