Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
