Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
