all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
