She said her name was "party"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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