I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
