So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
