I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we're making bets on your personal life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
