Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize