we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
