i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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