everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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