My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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