I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
