I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize