you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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