She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
is it fun? or sober?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
