Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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