I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
how does that bad decision feel?
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