dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
